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Ryan @Ryanson

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Joined on 7/19/05

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Stuffies, Assemble!! (rough draft)

Posted by Ryanson - June 2nd, 2010

Newgrounds: the problems of the future, today!...or so it used to be.

A few years ago, the founder of Newgrounds, Tom Fulp, decided to change what made Newgrounds great -- cartoon porn and endless violence, mostly -- and make it a place for "everything by everyone." A place where man and machine and creature alike could coexist "peacefully" without (much) hate. Anyone who didn't like these new rules were eventually kicked out, or ignored, or worse: blammed straight to the next dimension. It was the closest thing to a utopia the Interwebz had, and though it prospered many longed for the days of old.

2010, the year where a "chat" bar was rumored to finally be completed. The first of these to be unleashed to an unsuspecting public was Poder Opunk's "Radio Chat," where he DJ'd local music and allowed people to interact in entire new ways. It was met with much success, and yet... unknown to the public, a group began to collect themselves, to operate, to plan...

Led by Poder's left-hand man Jacob, the team call themselves the Stuffies. They plan to bring Newgrounds back to its glory days, back to when the problems of the future really WERE today. And so they call out for any Stuffies remaining in the world, assemble!! "MAGNITUDE!!!"

Or in their own words... "SHUT THE FUCK YELLOWWWW!!"


And so the day finally came. Jacob decided when better to attack then now? They wanted to strike fast and hard. After laughing due to their dirty minds, they left... but where they chose to reconvene probably wasn't that smart of a choice.

As they enter the portal, a robot the color of blood walked up to them, almost calmly.

"What are users do here?" a robot voice buzzed.

The Stuffies had accidently teleported to the outskirts of Newgrounds, at the Portal.

The Portal is where flash, the lifeforce of Newgrounds, enters in (whether of its own accord or through a powerful user's extra reserves). There are a select few who are apart of the Blam Squad, whose job is to blam bad flash to the next dimension. Some times bad flash gets in anyway, and if its powerful it can even make a completely new being. Few people have seen this Portal in person, though. Even fewer know who is guardians are.

But this day, the Stuffies learned who .

"Five seconds to reveal your identities, or you will be blammed."

It was P-Bot.


But before the battle can begn... we need to know a little about our heroes, hmm? There are many more besides these, but to begin...

Horripilated, also responsive to Horri, Rip or "Hey you!", is the token nut job of the Stuffies gang. Content to sit in the corner and play with dismembered shadow puppets, she will, however, run to the aid of other Stuffies in a heartbeat with the dexterity of a ninja-robot hybrid type thing if they look to be being threatened by others. Apparently she is married to multiple other clan members, but this is just a nasty rumour.

Ryan Son, the ginger ninja himself, is an odd cookie. He claims everyone is his lover, claims to be Tyler Perry and Meg Ryan (on a good day), and is just plain... weird. Obsessed with music, this flamboyant ninja probably would be a good ninja if he kept to himself more often. That said, he's still one of the best around, able to use all of those stereotypical ninja powers you see on TV. Watch out!

Server is server. He is everything and all things and nothing and no single thing. Password: Jslight4. Server is.

Next in line is Kyosuga, known as Kyo to his closest friends. Thing is, no one wants to be close enough to be his friend. A young soldier straight from the Phillipines, he's cold and heartless to all who cross his path. Thing is, most everyone crosses his path. Try not to cross his path.

Julian is the sensitive artist of the Stuffies. No one can draw an erect penis as detailed as he! Original just used as "filler" when one of the members was a no-show, his curiosity, naivity, and overall Denmark stench was just what the group needed! Always a fun laugh (and somehow able to bring his drawings to life), Julian will definitely make you wish you had... an artist's touch!

The Scary Squirrel King, aka Squizzle, is a small and surprisingly deadly squirrel, ally to the Stuffies... even if he thinks that "squirrel" is a much higher honour than the rank of "Stuffie" thus hangs around them and helps them when he isn't spreading chaos and disorder elsewhere using completely squirrelly means (that's right. He uses his nuts).

There is a user who has no name. This lack of a name has mutated him, as has the constant experiments by the Mod Squad. This being with a Missing Username was originally a raptor... but a raptor with a NAME. But the Mod Squad made him into something he's not: an alien ninja cyborg. With a FUCKING MOUSTACHE. Still trapped in a raptor's body though, he has become confused... which explains his choice to side with the Stuffies. Who would have guessed it?

Sammi (known affectionately as Samwise) likes piggy-back-rides and Ja-- I MEAN. A certain boy. Yeah. Formerly just a girl, she's one of the few users the Fulps have experimented on and lived to tell the tale. She's now the self-appointed Queen of the Stuffies (and not just for revenge >.>) and when in doubt, she'll laugh. Or squeal. Or something... whatever it does it makes you HEAD explode. But I'm sure you'd rather experience that then her titanium ass on your neck. THOSE PIGGY BACK RIDES HURT.

Yes, on the ground. That's pie. That's a pie. A blueberry pie. He's delicious. Why the hell a pie is a Stuffie, no one knows. But he kicks your ass, that's for sure!

Jacob's second in command, Gekson was formerly the manager of a restaurant. However, when everything else changed in Newgrounds, so did his restauraunt: it became McDonald's (OH NO!!). Gekson didn't know what to do; doing the restaurant his way, he was able to watch funny shows on television and be able to keep his money. But now that it was out of his hands, he fell into an unnatural depression... until he met up with Jacob at the Radio Chat Bar. With new dreams of change and revolution, he is now second-in-command for the Stuffies... and he's ready to kick some ass.

Comments (6)

I loved it wiht all :D it is AWESOME and the STUFFIES GOT AWESOMENESS IN THEIR PANTS!!!

Epicness! Ryan, you are the embodiment of awesome.

:o This is awesome.We need jake's bio, tho.
Stuffies FTW!

We also need Cs, Moo Cow, and floff.

Who is Moo Cow? I must have missed something.

He is/was a member.

Derp is a Derp! But I agree, we need Floff, Chink and Meta to be in on this :D

lmao I was such an idiot. "embodiment of awesome." Who says that? Also epic is a terrible word and I should feel bad.

I thought it was adorable.