My Father Died Today

My father died at around 6'oclock CST, and Idk. I'll fill this out when I can. I dunno how to react.

EDIT:

I mean, he's my biological father. Idk. Lemme try and gather all this out and write it down.

All my life, he's been kinda drunk and smoked. Once when I was 4, he kinda... was so passed out that my mom couldn't wake him. Dangerous, being unconscious and having a 4 year old run around the house, right? My mom moved out into base housing (she and he were Navy).

When I was in kindergarten, he tried to pick me up from school completely... drunk. The school wouldn't let him. Smart move.

I don't think I should express anymore details about that period.

At age 12, my new step-dad and my mom insisted that I visit him again. I did, for 2 weeks. It wasn't bad. He was an excellent cook, on the grill, which is all he cooked on.

And for the last few years, though he'd been sent to the hospital many many times (drinking and smoking constantly do that to a man), he also was more in contact with me and his other kids than he'd been for the longest while.

Last night/this morning, he was sent to the hospital again. He couldn't breathe. At about 5:47, he passed away. Respiratory failure. They put him to sleep, tried to help him. They couldn't revive him. Around 6:00, my mom woke me up and what a horrible wake-up it was. When I woke up again around 8:30, I remember crying. I don't think I was prepared. I knew it was inevitable -- people die, and the rate he was going.... but still. My heart sunk, my head hurt, my eyes were red and wet for as long as I was in the shower (it wasn't because of the shower), and I regained composure when I got out. I still walked to work today.

I'm his only legal child -- my older siblings were adopted and aren't legally his. Funeral papers and decisions... are all mine. I don't know if he wanted to be cremated or embalmed. I don't know if he has a will. We never talked about it. Our talks were always about the present, the past, never the future.

I loved him though. He was sick -- it was a problem. There are people with problems, addiction being a pretty big problem, and it's just too much for them. It doesn't make them bad people. He loved -- he deserves to be loved, too.

Idk, man.

Funeral is Wednesday, and I'm most likely going up there Monday.

I think, though I still want to talk to my brother and sister, that I want him cremated and have most of his ashes spread out to his favorite fishing spot.

Comments

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Mizzjuicyflava 2011-02-25 21:06:14

Im sorry for your loss. I recently lost a very close family member. They I coped is that I lived my life as she was still alive. THE love and advice she gave to me I shared it with others. In my heart she is still alive. So you my friend will grieve for awhile. But dont let it consume you. It will take a long time heal. Your are not alone. Remember that your father will always live in your heart and you can take him everywhere you go. My prayers go out to you and your family.

Dubbi 2011-02-25 21:20:50

I feel for you, man. My deepest condolences to you and your family.

razorbladesigh 2011-02-25 21:30:59

I'm sorry for your loss bro.

FirstBaby 2011-02-25 23:39:38

Every night smeel something that was your grandfathers. Then every second night sleep next to a portrait of him and count to 50 by 2s

Ryanson 2011-02-25 23:39:38

My grandfather is still alive, you twat.

FirstBaby 2011-02-26 00:30:30

Do it still. Trust me

Ryanson 2011-02-26 00:30:30

Why

Dromedary 2011-02-26 19:06:57

That fucking sucks. Sorry for your loss, man. In all honesty, I think that NG is a good place to talk to people about stuff like this. It's surprising how many people actually care.

Ericho 2011-02-26 22:12:16

Wow, that's terrible. At least you are properly honoring his memory.

Ryanson 2011-02-26 22:12:16

I hope I am, man.

EyesAdrift 2011-02-27 23:08:29

You are man, I think he would love your idea of the cremation and spreading his ashes on his favorite fishing spot. Shit gets rough here and there, shit like this is what makes us stronger shapes us into who we are supposed to be. It sucks losing someone, even if you aren't all that close to them.

Hell I don't know how I'd react if my biological father died, I haven't spoken to him in almost 12 years now.

Keep your chin up, you've got people who care about you and will be there for you. He's always going to be with you in your heart.

Drony 2011-02-28 10:46:31

I'm really sorry about that man. I wouldn't know what to do if I was in your position.

Tycrane 2011-02-28 13:15:07

Damn man, I feel so sorry for you. Hope you try to live on for your father's sake and whenever you look up into the sky think of him and all the things that you've been through. He'll be there for you always.

R.I.P.

Here's a song for you: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_its6T5GT8">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_its6 T5GT8</a>

Life goes on.

Ryanson 2011-02-28 13:15:07

This video contains content from Sony Music Entertainment. It is not available in your country.
Sorry about that.

Gagsy 2011-02-28 15:10:58

I'm so sorry to hear about this.

Just think though that at least in his final years you guys got to spend a bit more time with him. It's sad that his life ended the way it did and that you had such poor contact with him over the years but it's nice that you got something with him.

If fishing was your dads hobby then I think getting him cremated and having the ashes spread there is a wonderful idea. I imagine he would be grateful for that.

Once again I'm sorry and I hope you feel better in time.

BrazilianNinja 2011-03-01 16:26:04

Oh, okay.

Lol.

Ryanson 2011-03-01 16:26:04

Your disrespect doesn't offend me. No, it instead shows what kind of a faggot you are.

Spilda-Bongwata 2011-03-06 21:04:49

Keep being there for your family, they'll need it. Hopefully you'll handle it better and can help them out with their sorrows. My dad is an alcoholic too, and a workaholic. This caused a massive distance between, us but he is still my father. I still love him.

I have been to 2 funerals in the last 2 years - one for my grandfather and one for my uncle. I can only imagine what it feels like to lose a father or a sibling, my dad was devestated. I wish you luck, don't let it throw you into depression/hold you back.